Thursday, May 2, 2013

Daily Challenge - DAY TWO - Fears

List 3 Legitamate Fears and How They Became Fears
Ok, let's get serious. I am terrified of being a mom. What if I don't teach her how to be independant? What if I don't teach her how to love herself for who she is? What if we don't have the bond I hope we have? I have a MILLION questions constantly running through my brain about the kind of mother I hope to be and what if I fall short of those hopes?
I don't exactly know how this became a fear. Ever since I was little I couldn't wait to be a mom. I always wanted 2 boys and 2 girls so each had a friend. The boys would be in sports and the girls would be girly like me yet sporty at the same time. Maybe doing cheer or dance. Well once I got married and having a family became real and rather soon, I developed this fear. I changed to only wanting 2 kids. One of each hopefully. The less I had the less I could screw up right? Well when I found out I was pregnant that fear grew like 100x! I started thinking I wasn't ready and what if I never was ready..? That I guess is how I developed this fear.
This is totally normal for a first time mom right?!

I'm sure everyone has this fear just a little right? It's human nature to want to be with someone. And it might not be a significant other, it might just be wanting family around and close to not feel alone. Well mine is of course my significant other. I don't know what I would do without him. He takes care of all the bills. (waaaaayyyy too stressful for me!) He knows how to calm me down when I panic which is often. He knows just what to say when I am having doubts. And when it comes to parenting I know he'll be a natural at that too. I mean is so great with kids! When I am panicking about actually becoming a mom, or disciplining our children, I know he'll know exactly what to do or say to make everything ok. What would I do without him?! I can't even think about it or I want to cry.
It's bad enough to lose your spouse at an old age and have to deal with being without them when you have been together so long, but I have had a couple friends lose loved ones at a young age. That just freaks me out. What if that happened to me? How would I go on? I can't breathe just thinking about it!

Yes. Clowns. And no I cannot explain it! I honestly don't know what it is about clowns that just give me the heebie-jeebies. I never had a bad experience with one growing up, I had this fear before watching IT so it wasn't that, and I know they are supposed to be a fun thing! But for some reason they creep me out. And in fact it might not be the fact that they are clowns. It might be the face paint. Because you know something else? I don't like mascots. Yeah. I know. In the parade when Smokey the Bear comes to give you a high five, I run. It's scary! I want to see your face and your true emotion and I think that is what freaks me out about clowns! Anybody else feel this way or is it just me?!

It's not too late to do this challenge too!
-HERE-  is a link to the list and my day one.
Join in on the fun!

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