Religion has been on my mind A LOT lately.. To tell you the truth, I hate religion. I hate what it has done to my life, to my family, and to others around me. I hate that religion prevents people from being together. Take me and Michael for instance. If religion wasn't such a big issue, my family would be happy for me and Michael being together. I mean, we're the happiest couple I know and my family can't be happy for us. I hate that when religion is a conversation topic somewhere in there is a "My religion is better because..." Why can't there be one religion and one religion only?
When I moved out my parents insisted I went and talked to my bishop. Worst hour of my life. I asked him about still being welcome in the church and he said of course but that it would be like going to a gym and watching people work out. Ok, I understand why he would say that but I disagree. I feel like me going to church would be like me going to the gym and running a mile but then coming home and only walking around the block. I still have a place in my heart for my church. I have my beliefs about it, and I feel that me moving out didn't take the church out of my life completely. At least it shouldn't have.
Another thing the bishop told me is he doesn't believe that what I am feeling is love. He thinks I am confusing it for something else. He feels that love requires sacrifice. I agree. I mean, that's what I am doing. I sacrificed some family, friends, the temple, and more to be with Michael and I feel it's worth it. He told me basically that I was confused. That sacrifice means giving up one thing for something better. Again, I agree. I feel that Michael is that something better. I feel he is way too good to me and I don't deserve it.
The bishop also told me that he felt I would only feel great saddness from my decision. That I also agree with...in a way. He feels I will feel sadness when it comes to Michael. But actually, I feel sadness that Michael and I are each working 2 jobs to support his older brother. Who lives with us for free. I wish we could be spending more of our time alone instead of bringing him with us everywhere so he doesn't feel left out. Another example is Christmas, we spent a lot of everyone this year because his older brother didn't have money to buy gifts. So basically we bought gifts for him to give to people. I wish we could have spent that money on each other. Or on stuff for the house. Our house hasn't much makeover since we have moved in because we have had other things come up.
I admit I have only been to church once since I have moved out and here's why...
1- At the house we were renting the bishopric came to my house and introduced themselves to me. I went to church that very Sunday and they all introduced themselves to me again. They didn't remember coming into my home and inviting me to church.
2- NOBODY in my new ward has come to introce themselves to me. I don't know what time my church is or where it is. I don't know the bishop, his counselors or the relief society president. Obviously they don't care if I come or not.
3- I did happen to get a letter in the mail inviting me to come clean the church. So, they would love my help cleaning but don't think I would be an asset to the ward?
The funny thing about all of this is Michael doesn't care whether I go or not. He would love me no matter what I did and never judges me on if I go or not. He believes you can believe in God and don't have to go to church to prove it. He has a point. I pray. At home. Just because I don't go on a weekly basis doesn't mean I don't have a belief in Heaven or of God.
Michael and I are so happy and it breaks my heart that people around us can't be happy for us. If and when we get married I wonder if my family will support it. I wonder if they will contribute. I wonder if they will be happy for us.
This whole topic is always weighing on my mind and it stinks. I would love to just live happily ever after without worrying about what others think about our relationship and our situation.
So, if you are reading this and are judging my situation. Don't bother being a friend. I want friends that will love me no matter what choices I make even if they disagree. I want friends that would love to hang out with me and talk about girl stuff and not ask me a million times, "When are you getting married." Trust me, when I know, you'll know.
It gets easier being the odd one out. I lived with JJ for a while before we were married and actually had to move in with his uncle for the 3 months because his parents said they wouldn't help pay for our wedding anymore. My parents are dissapointed but they don't give me a really bad time about it. I have talked to my Mom and basically she is just sad I am not "happy" like she is, but the church doesn't make me happy, it makes me crazy sometimes!!! They still accept me and love me, just wish I would see the light!! LOL I have mixed feelings about religion as well and wish it didn't have to be so black and white. It is what it is and we live in Utah so we are the "weird" ones! In other states it is other religions though. I think you are just fine the way you are and if I am going to hell for being a good person who doesn't go to church then I will deal with it when I get there.......
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness anecia i FREAKING LOVE THIS POST. first of all, your old bishop had absolutely no freaking right in heaven or hell to tell you those things. the best person that knows you is.... YOU.
ReplyDeletei know what this can be like. i come from a mormon family, my boyfriend, catholic. we live together and we're not married. i have an aunt that thinks i'm a horrible example to my younger cousins. it kind of hurt at first, but i DON'T CARE now. it is my life and i'm going to take charge of it, as should you!!!!
Sarah- it is sooo nice to not be the only "weird" ones in the family. Michael and I really look up to you and JJ and strong you are we hope to be the same. I wonder the same thing if my parents will help pay for the wedding. We are lucky enough to have his parents very supportive mine are the hard ones. In fact, my mom has been to my house a total of 3 times in about 6 months. When we moved it, Peach Days when Grandma came to see it, and just the other day after I painted but even then I had to practically beg her to come see it. My dad once, to help us move. Which was shocking enough.
ReplyDeleteTara- yeah it does hurt your feelings when you are told you aren't a good example to younger siblings or cousins...I get it a lot about my sisters. But I hope at the same time that they see how happy we are and look at that as a good example.
Anecia, I am sorry that you were offended by what was said to you at church, please remember that we are all human and make mistakes. I hope that you will go back to church and give the religion a chance, not the imperfect people that try to live it. Your parents are having a hard time. Try to see it from their side as well, they brought this little girl into the world and had so many hopes and dreams for her, she grew up and was everything they expected and then the teenage years come and things changed, I know they love you and want what they think is best for you, give them some time. It probably wasn't right that they had their dreams for you. Now they need to realize you have your own dreams, hopes and desires, it is hard for them to see that what you want and what they want is different. The thing that you both want is for you to be happy. They are concerned that you will get hurt because of the whole marriage thing, its not just that you don't go to church. They are afraid your relationship will end badly and there isn't a committment there with a marriage. I don't mean to judge you or Michael, I am just trying to explain about the marriage thing. Some people have great relationships for years without marriage but it is rare. Can you see that they want the best for you and are worried because of the commitment issue with marriage? (well you know besides a bunch of other stuff)
ReplyDeletePlease don't let what people say or do at church offend you. They made a mistake, forgive them and go on and search your own feelings about your beliefs in your Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ. That is what is important in the end your relationship with your Father in Heaven.
Wow, I hope this wasn't too preachy. We love you and want the best for you. It's funny because your Mom said to me that Zach was the bad example and he was the reason you moved in with Michael. I don't think Zach has that much influence on your life, you make your own decisions. She is just working through everything, she will come around.
(I do have a few comments about the brother-in-law, are you sure you are not enabling him, you know like taking care of him when he should be taking care of himself, maybe he needs that little or big push to grow up, don't let him take advantage of you.)
Anecia- I love you no matter what! You are my best friend and cousin!!! I don't know about the whole Zach thing because technically I "eloped" and got married before Rochelle even got pregnant. I will totally help you with your wedding!!! I love you girl!!
ReplyDeleteI love you Necia! You just have to do what makes you Happy and run with it. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Apes- you need to do what makes YOU happy, and not what makes everyone else happy. You know deep down inside what you believe in. In the end, you want to be able to look back on life and say that you made your decisions for you. And I agree, there are some judgmental people out there. Love ya little one :)
ReplyDeleteHey girl, I love how honest you are! More people need your honesty! I totally support you in anything you choose to do in your life, because in the end it is YOUR life and no one elses. So be happy with who you are and where you are going :)
ReplyDeleteOnly thing I wanted to add, and this is not to be preachy in anyway...DON'T let what others think bring you down or distract you from a bigger picture. I did this for far too long. Ryan and I were engaged for four months, got pregnant, got married and had plans to go to church each week and make things right for us with church. I was so embarrassed by our situation and we were in a ward where there was just too many families and too many families constantly moving in and out so no one new us or noticed if we were there or not. Then there were the questions, "so you are newlyweds?" (my tummy got big quick!) Then they'd do all the math and you could just see it on their faces. I didn't even want to be there because of it. I kept me inactive for almost 2 years. We have been active again for about 5 months now and I have never been happier. Yes, there are those who judge but if you yourself can get past whatever it is you are feeling judged about..others will naturally get past it too. I look back and regret it so bad not going to church and not having it in my life. I didn't grow up in the church so I have a different view than you do as far as my parents don't care if I am going or not and aren't pushing it on me whatsoever. But out of personal experience of going on and off my whole life it's drastic the difference in yourself and how you feel about life in general when you do go.
Again, I support you in whatever, I promise that wasn't a big speech telling you to go to church haha! I'm just saying, I think anyone who has had it in their life even a teeny bit like I did growing up..you know deep down it made you happy. I wouldn't deny my feelings about the church at any point..but I would get to the point of putting it in the back of my head and not let myself think to far into it because I always knew deep down it's where I wanted to be. That's me though and you are you. Again, it's your life and in the end you need to be happy with whatever it is you choose to do or not do! Just be happy :)
Thanks to everyone! I am so lucky to have such support behind me! I love what everyone has said and it has given me a lot to think about! (In a good way of course) I can't express enough how lucky I am to have all of you as good supportive friends no matter what I do choose to do! Love you all and thanks again! Advice is welcome anytime I am always in need!
ReplyDeleteThis is a really good honest post.
ReplyDeleteI have to say though- people are mistaken if they don't think you and Michael are really in love or something because it seems really obvious that you are and will be happy together forever.